A Letter to Joe the Plumber from Charles Chortlelywell

As originally seen on BccList.com here, I still think the Obama campaign should put together a commercial of 15 or so plumbers named Joe stating they support Barack Obama for president.  Regardless, here’s an open letter to Joe the Plumber from Charles Chortlelywell – chief accountant of Flush Plumbers United…

Dear Joe:

I am Charles R. Chortlelywell, chief accountant of Flush Plumbers United – or Change Man Charlie as I’m known around the office.

We are a national organization dedicated to the interests of plumbers earning more than a quarter million dollars a year. As you know, the salary of your average Joe in the industry is approximately $37,500, so you are clearly someone special.

We would like to learn more about you in order to help you, even if Barack Obama won’t. So would you mind answering a few questions:

Does this company you are planning actually make $250-280 thousand a year in profits or is that just its total revenue? If the latter then you don’t have to worry about Obama’s tax bill at all. If it’s the former, then your additional taxes each year will range between zero and $900. Since you’ll be making five to seven times as much as your average Joe in the trade you can probably handle it.

On the other hand, perhaps not.  A Toledo Blade story about you notes that “In December, 2007, the Ohio Department of Taxation placed a lien against him because $1,183 in personal property taxes had not been paid, but there has been no action in the case since it was filed.” Is part of your concern that since you already owe so much to the socialist state of Ohio and don’t want to compound the problem? If so, perhaps you shouldn’t be going around buying businesses at all.

Since court records from your divorce also show you only made $40,000 in 2006, where are you going to get the money for this deal? Let’s say you buy it for a million bucks or so. I just checked and found where you could get such a loan, but it would cost you over $60,000 a year in interest alone and you’d have to pay it off in seven years. I suggest you worry about that more than Obama’s tax increase.

How many new employees do you plan to hire? If you just hire one you’ll get a $3000 tax credit and that dangerous fellow Obama will actually end up adding $2100-3000 to your profits.

Where are the headquarters of the company you currently work for and would like to buy? The Toledo Blade couldn’t come up with a good answer to this question: “Mr. Wurzelbacher told reporters that he worked for Newell Plumbing & Heating Co., a small local firm whose business addresses flow back to several residential homes, including one on Talmadge Road in Ottawa Hills”

When do you actually plan to get a plumbers’ license? It would help to add validity to your nickname. I was a bit bothered by the part of the Blade story that read: “According to Lucas County Building Inspection records, A. W. Newell Corp. does maintain a state plumbing license, and one with the City of Toledo, but would not be allowed to work in Lucas County outside of Toledo without a county license. Mr. Wurzelbacher said he works under Al Newell’s license, but according to Ohio building regulations, he must maintain his own license to do plumbing work. He is also not registered to operate as a plumber in Ohio, which means he’s not a plumber. Mr. Wurzelbacher said he was hired by Mr. Newell six years ago and that the possibility of him eventually buying the company was discussed during his job interview. He said it’s his understanding he can work under Mr. Newell’s license as long as the licensed contractor works on the same site. Mr. Wurzelbacher said he is working on taking the Ohio plumbing contractors’ license test.”

If we are to invite you to join our board we might also need some help in answering issues such as raised by Tom Joseph, business manager for Local 50 of the United Association of Plumbers, Steamfitters, and Service Mechanics, who says you didn’t undergo any apprenticeship training.  Reported the Blade: “‘When you have guys going out there with no training whatsoever, it’s a little disreputable to start with,’ Mr. Joseph said. ‘We’re the real Joe the Plumber.’ Mr. Joseph said Mr. Wulzerbacher could only legally work in the townships, but not in any municipality in Lucas County or elsewhere in the country. ‘This individual has got no schooling, no licenses, he’s never been to a training program, union or non-union, in the United States of America,’ Mr. Joseph said.”

While I realize Plumber Joseph may merely be feeling bitter being upstaged by Plumber Joe, as we say in the trade about faucets, this one needs a better spin on it.

Thanks for help. Your attention to this matter – as well as to the fact that the candidate whom you support has eight homes, 13 cars and wears $500 loafers – will be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely yours,

Charles R. Chortlelywell

Conor, thank you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s